In my first real try at online dating, I met a fellow that seemed normal. He was nice looking, had a decent job, and he was very polite. He as also a rollerskating dancer in his spare time. I’m serious.
I didn’t think he would be right for me…he seemed like he didn’t have much personality, but he was very persistent and I gave in. Why not? At best he could be great. At worst he could wear me as a skin suit (always a fear of mine).
We mainly communicated via his personal email. On the day of our date he emailed me from his business email address. His email signature for his business was “I Give ‘Til It MegaHertz”.
When asking where I wanted to go, he told me I could pick wherever I wanted…money was no object. But no sushi, he said. He refused to eat sushi unless it was cooked. “Could they do that?”, he asks. If it weren’t for the sincerity in his voice, I would have laughed out loud. (I know that not all sushi is raw, but this guy is a native Californian and over 30. He should know better, I hope.)
I sent texts to my girlfriends throughout the day letting them know all of this. They told me it was too late to bail, but I should have a system in place to get me out of it if I couldn’t take it anymore. My friend Jamie agreed to be my out…all I had to do is give her a signal when I needed an exit.
We met at a small restaurant…nothing expensive, but it was nice. I also knew the owners, so they would be able to describe him to the police if homeboy ended up being Hannibal Lector.
We really weren’t compatible in any way. He didn’t appreciate food like I do (“I usually only go to Applebee’s. Do you like that place? It’s the nicest restaurant I’ve been in before here.”), he was too eager to please me and agree with me…like I initially thought, he was quite bland. I honestly think I was his first date in decades.
I lasted 30 minutes before I had to send the call out for the Bail Out Text. I called my girl and made it sound like she broke up with her boyfriend and needed a friend. I finished my dinner and even offered to pay half because I just wanted to get away from the situation. He was oblivious to the fact that I was bored out of my mind; he offered to drive me home and to buy my friend some ice cream (OK…that was sweet). He then sent me a text later that night telling me he had an awesome time and would love to see me again. I’m thinking we were on two totally different dates.
My gut was right. It usually is. But hey…at least I get a story out of it.
