I’ve been pretty down lately. I’m *still* unemployed, still single, still in pain.
I am having a hard time with living with a cat and I can’t smoke because I am looking for a job and I don’t want to risk being drug tested.
Needless to say, my anxiety is through the roof.
On Wednesday, after getting another rejection email, I said that to myself, “maybe some people weren’t meant to be happy and I was one of those people.” Then I friend convinced me to come out and meet her for a drink…thought that it would help if I got out of my apartment…not the case. She was talking about dating and I broke down in the bar. “I’ve wasted the best years of my life, and now I’m old”, I said. Then I ran out in tears.
I really don’t think my engagement was a waste…I learned a lot about myself from it, so it wasn’t a total waste…same thing with joining the military and going to war. But I can’t help but to think about how different my life would be if I’d done things differently. Would I be happier? Would I still end up in San Francisco?
There is no way of knowing and I accept that. But I am having a moment where I am questioning if what I’ve done with my life will pay off…