The Oscar front-runner spoke about the intersection of race and beauty at Essence’s Black Women in Hollywood Luncheon
I have a lot of issues with how I look. Every since I was a kid…
When I was young, I hated my lips and would always hid them. I would walk with my head down so no one could look at me.
Even now, I have had to severely limit my walking to save myself from immense pain and it has become an issue. I gained weight. A lot of weight. My friends tell me I look fine, but I don’t feel like it. Once I decreased my level of activity to help ease my pain, it made me really depressed. And I’m a stress eater. I’m not the Stay Puft Marshmallow Gal, but I don’t have the confidence I used to have. I feel like Blanche DuBois. It makes me incredibly sad to look in the mirror. I don’t even allow photos of me on my wall on Facebook because I am so unhappy with where I am.
I am surprisingly sober for this little heart spillage, but this has been on my mind for a while. It’s not so simple for me to join a gym. Last time I did that, I had a panic attack and had to leave before I even broke a sweat.
I’m learning to cope with not being able to walk the way I used to. I am happy to have fewer days where I am 7-8 level pain, but holy hell did my body (and my eating habits) not like that.
I’m taking it one step at a time. I need to. And I realize that I have gone on a ridiculous tangent, but it is also 1am and I’m tired and I’m just dumping out feels.